


Satan & Me

by goblin_fangirl



Series: Satan & Me shenanigans [1]
Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29402769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblin_fangirl/pseuds/goblin_fangirl
Summary: A novel/novella about Regan, a girl who accidentally summons Satan himself, and their growing father-daughter-like bond.This chapter is where Regan summons Satan for the first time.
Series: Satan & Me shenanigans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193999
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	1. My Classmates Encourage Satan to Vaporize My Geometry Teacher

'God. This was so damn boring. Who even needs trigonometry?' I thought to myself. I was bored off my ass in geo class. So I flipped to a blank page in my notebook and began drawing pentagrams. Before I knew it, there was at least 100 pentagrams all over my notebook. About 50 pentagrams later, a man kicks down the door to the classroom, startling the shit outta everyone. He was a devilish looking fellow, with obviously dyed red-orange hair, a satin red suit, and steampunk-like black sunglasses. He took off the glasses and glared at me with eyes that reminded me of fire. He had slits for pupils and a hooklike nose. The man snarled at me.  
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!" He bellowed. His voice was loud, demonic, and raspy.  
"Who're you?" I asked, really confused. I mean, he wasn't wearing a visitor's tag, and he looked mighty pissed off at me for no reason I could think of.  
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU JUST SUMMONED YOU DUMB BITCH?!" Oh. It was Satan.   
"Wait... YOU'RE Satan?!" I cackled. How could this bastard be the ruler of Hell?   
"YES I'M SATAN NOW WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT WITH ME?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SUMMON ME 150 GODDAMN TIMES?!" He screamed. The rest of my geometry class looked either amused or absolutely horrified. Ms. Smith, the teacher, looked like she was about to faint, which I thought was hilarious.   
"YOU DRAW ONE MORE GODDAMN PENTAGRAM AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ON THE SPOT, YOU UNDERSTAND DUMBASS?!" Satan screeched. Everyone was still staring and I was stifling a laugh.  
"Yessir." I grumbled, still trying not to cackle.  
Satan turned to the rest of my geometry class, who were either also trying to stifle a cackle or about to shit themselves in fear. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?! NEVER SEEN A DEMON BEFORE?!" He hollered, making my geometry teacher shit herself.   
Satan took a deep breath and calmed down a little bit. "What in Hell's name are you kids even learning anyway?" He walked up to the whiteboard. "Trigonometry? What the fuck is that?! They should be teaching you how to do taxes and shit like that." He sighed, turning to my teacher, who was about to run for her life.  
"What the hell is wrong with you? You know these kids don't need to know about trigonometry." He said, leaning against the whiteboard, wiping off the equations that Ms. Smith had been writing.   
"Actually if they go into the trade-"   
"Trade? Does anyone SERIOUSLY want to be a carpenter when they get older? Gimme a show of hands, brats." No one in my geometry class raised their hand. They all just stared at Satan, some snickering.  
"See? No one needs to know about trig, you bitch nugget." He said.   
"But it's still useful in the real wor-"  
"No it's not! Jesus...Who wants me to vaporize her? Show of hands, kids." Satan turned to my class. My hand shot up and so did the hands of every other student in the room.  
"Vaporization it is." He mumbled smugly, snapping his fingers. With a poof, she was gone.


	2. Satan Lives in My Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regan accidentally summons Satan. Again.

I plopped down on my bed, feeling absolutely wiped. I just finished studying for an exam and all I wanted to do was relax. To decompress. So I pulled out my journal again. It had been about a month since I first summoned Satan, so I essentially forgotten about that incident. Despite forgetting that incident, my interest in Satanism and demonology lived on, so I drew more imagery in my sketchbook. About 50 pictures later, I hear a crash come from my closet. The room suddenly gets extremely warm and I look up to see flames disappearing from behind the door. I got up and approached the closet door, carefully opening it. Of course, there was Satan, caught up in two crop tops, a snapback hat, and a pair of sweatpants.   
“Oh my God what now?” He hissed. Just now I realized he had a British accent.   
“Oh… whoops.” I snickered, helping the devil out of my closet. After he unstuck himself, he sighed, taking a seat in my office chair.   
“You’re seriously Satan? I mean… Satan’s literally just some random Brit?” I chuckled. Satan placed his steampunk shades on my desk and sighed again.  
“No. I’m not ‘some random Brit’. I go by many names. I am Lucifer, I am Beelzebub, I am-”  
“You’re Beetlebub? Like Beetlejuice?”I asked, a little weirded out. I remembered watching Beetlejuice for the first time and I remembered how confused I was.   
“Oh sweet Jesus… No, I am Satan.” He growled.   
“Oh. I thought Beetlejuice was real for a moment. Way to disappoint, Luci.” I mumbled, laying on my bed. He glared at me, obviously irritated.  
“First of all, we all know Beetlejuice is fictional. Second of all, never call me Luci again. Third of all, can we talk about your wardrobe? It’s a complete disaster! Do your parents seriously let you wear this? Where even are they?!” I laughed.   
“They both are at work, and they don’t care about what I wear.” Satan rubbed his temples in frustration.  
“That’s it. I’m taking you shopping.”


	3. Satan Takes Me to Hot Topic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan starts Regan's goth makeover.

“We’re seriously going here? What about Aeropostale or American Eagle?” I asked as we stood in front of Hot Topic. “Isn’t this where all the goths go?”  
“No, Regan, this is where all the decent people go.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and walked inside, with me on his tail. The store was dark and small. I could hear a rock song playing in the background. Satan walked over to the band t-shirts and picked up one with the Queen logo.  
“Ah, Queen. A classic.” He smiled pleasantly.  
“Who’s that?” I asked, looking at the huge wall of shirts on display, soon catching a glimpse of some Lil Nas X merch. “Ooh! Lil Nas X!”  
“Lil Nas who?” Satan sneered. “And how in Hell’s name do you not know about Queen? How about Aerosmith?”  
“Is that a clothing store?” I asked, turning my attention to an Ariana Grande shirt.  
“Wow. You’re worse than I thought.” Luci sighed. I looked over to see him grabbing a Queen shirt, a Nirvana shirt, and a few other tees with pop culture references on them.  
“Follow me.” He motioned and I walked over to the jeans. Satan picked up a chain belt, several pairs of jeans and a few chokers.  
“This should be a good start to fixing your wardrobe malfunction.” He said as he walked up to the cashier. Lucifer paid for everything and quickly ushered me out of the store.  
“Now to Spencer’s.” He strutted away and I jogged to catch up. We got into Spencer’s and its atmosphere was similar to that of Hot Topic. Satan walked over to the backpacks and picked out one bag with a white cat holding up the middle finger. He also grabbed a pair of black Vans and a few beanies. He hastily paid for those.  
“Do you wear makeup?” The devil asked me as we walked out of the store.  
“No, too girly.” I said, kind of picking at my nails. Luci sighed, guiding me to Ulta.


	4. Satan Wears Acrylics?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan takes Regan to Ulta to get her started in terms of makeup.

“Do I have to?” I put my weight on one foot as Satan looked for an eyeshadow palette.  
“Yes, you have to. I didn’t just spend 200 bucks for kicks.” Beelz rolled his eyes, continuing to search. “Ah. This should be perfect.” He grabbed a nude eyeshadow palette and went over to look at foundation. A woman in her late 20s with curly dark brown hair and striking green eyes walked up to Satan.  
“Hi! Can I help you today?” This caught the devil off guard.  
“Yes, actually. I’m here with my…” He looked at me and paused. “My… um… niece and I need to find her foundation shade.” I glared at Luci and he glared back.  
“Sure thing! How much coverage does she want?” The woman inquired politely. Beelz nervously chuckled.   
“Oho heavy coverage.” He said nodding awkwardly. I shot him a look that read “dude-I’m-right-here”. Satan just shook his haid in disappointment as the Ulta employee led us over to the foundation.  
“Hold out your wrist please, hon.” She smiled at me. I glared at Lucifer and all the look on his face said was “play along, brat”. So I played along, holding out my wrist. Before I knew it, I had everything Beelz called “the basics”.   
Lucifer cracked his knuckles. “All we need now is eyeliner.”   
“Whatever, let’s just get out of here.” I rolled my eyes. Satan looked over at me, lowering his sunglasses and raising his eyebrows.  
“Well at least we have the attitude to match the look.” He mumbled as we walked over to the eyeliner and mascara. The devil grabbed a bottle of the black liquid.  
“You get in line, I’ll be right there.” Satan said, running off. I stood in line for a bit, soon seeing Beelzebub run back with black nail polish and an acrylic nail kit.  
“Oh God I’m not wearing those.” I looked at the acrylics in disgust. Luci rolled his eyes.   
“Those aren’t for you. Those are for me. We’re all out back in Hell and they’re fun. They also make good claws if you sharpen them enough.” I looked at him, bewildered.  
“Claws?”  
“Yeah. Way I see it, acrylics have two purposes. For self defense and making it difficult to write.” He smiled at me giddily.  
“Oh… kay? Why does the second one matter?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.  
“You sit the damned down at a desk, put on acrylics, don’t bother trimming them, then put a journal and pencil in front of them. Tell them to fill the notebook with why it’s wrong to do whatever landed them in Hell.” He shrugged. “Best torture method that I could come up with.”  
“That’s the weirdest kind of torture I’ve ever heard of.” I mumbled, walking up to the cash register. Satan nudged me in the shoulder with his elbow.   
“Weird, but effective.” He said to me with a smirk and a wink before paying for the cosmetics.  
“Now if I don’t see you wearing this I’m going to be absolutely livid, you understand?” He said to me, handing me the bags as we walked out of the store.


	5. Satan Chaperones My Field Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regan finds out Satan is chaperoning her field trip group under the pseudoname "Lucius".

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” I groaned. I walked into my English class to see Satan with the chaperones for the field trip. My teacher wasted no time in assigning groups. I ended up having bad luck, with Vivian and David in my group. To make things worse, Satan was the chaperone. Vivian was an e-girl, a rather depressing lass. And David was the class clown. A rather obnoxious guy to say the least.  
“Regan! I see you’re wearing the getup I bought you! It really suits you!” He smiled at me, a little more formal this time.  
“You’re rather cheery…” I mused, feeling a little disturbed.   
“Yeah, you’re actually wearing what I got you! I can’t count the number of times you looked at me as if you were plotting my murder.” He was right. I did seriously contemplate killing him right then and there with those forsaken acrylics back at Ulta, but I’m not cut out for juve.   
“Now who do we have here?” Luci turned to my classmates. Vivian looked down and David grinned mischieviously.  
“Hey Mr. Lucius! I’m David. Wanna stick?” He offered Satan a small pack of gum with a stick already sticking out.   
“Sure!” Lucifer tried to take out the piece, quickly jerking his hand away, annoyed. “Ow! That’s bull…” Beelz cursed under his breath and David snickered. The devil sighed.  
“So I assume you’re Vivian? Love your liner.” He smiled at her.   
“Thanks.” Vivian mumbled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.  
“I pity you having to deal with his antics.” Beelzebub mumbled, nodding towards David.   
“I know. David’s such an obnoxious jerk.” Vivian rolled her eyes in disgust. “Love your shades, where’d you get them?” She asked, looking up to meet the devil’s gaze.  
“Oh. Spirit Halloween actually. Sounds stupid, I know, but these beauties are just gorgeous.” Lucifer pushed his shades back up on his nose proudly. He nudged me.   
“I like Vivian, she seems to have good taste.” He whispered.  
“Yeah, she’s also super depressing.” I mumbled. Mr. Jones, my History teacher, urged us all to quiet down, telling us about procedures and that stuff, then releasing us to go to the museum for the trip. Satan led us to his car, which was a black Mini Cooper with flame decals on the sides.   
“Let’s go kids.”


	6. Satan Drives a Mini Cooper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan drives the kids to the museum.

“This is seriously your ride?” David asked, chuckling. Satan took a deep breath as he started the car, already annoyed with the jokester.  
“Yes it is. I rather love my little car, and if you don’t like it you can walk. I don’t do monkeying around, understand?” Satan turned around and made eye contact with David, who shrank in his seat. Vivian and I both tried not to laugh at David’s reaction to Lucifer’s death stare.  
“So who wants to listen to some music?” Beelz asked, turning to my classmates.  
David nodded eagerly. “How about some Florida-Georgia Line? Or some Twenty-One Pilots?” He looked over at the dashboard, soon frowning when he realized that the devil had a CD player instead of a radio.   
“No, no no.” Lucifer chuckled. “How about some Metallica? Queen? Aerosmith?”  
“I love Metallica.” Vivian smiled at the rearview mirror, and Satan smiled back.   
“Metallica it is then.” The devil put in his copy of Master of Puppets, and midway through the title track David began rocking the car, humming the tune of “Old Town Road”. Satan paused the music player.  
“Do you have any common decency?” He asked the prankster, very irritated. “I seriously don’t want to kick you out of the car but if I have to I will, David.” He said with a sigh.  
David shook his head profusely. “I’ll behave, mister.” Lucifer smirked and turned back on the music.  
“If you say so, squirt.” He mumbled as we got on the highway. We drove for a few more minutes and the disc finished.   
“Hey Regan, sweetie, could you please change the disc to the red one with the Queen logo?” He looked over at me before bringing his attention back to the road.  
“Sure thing, Luci.” I smirked, picking up the disc case and putting the CD in the player back and replacing it with the Queen disc. Satan scowled at me calling him Luci.  
“How many times have I told you not to call me that?” He grumbled. I snickered as the first track came on. Everyone, except me, belted the lyrics to each song until we pulled into the parking lot.  
“We’re here! Who wants to look at some boring old pictures painted by dead guys?” Satan clapped his hands, amused.


	7. Satan Acts Like a Theatre Nerd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan takes the kids to a Shakespearian art exhibit.

We walked inside the museum. It had a large, Renaissance style ceiling and lots of fancy pieces of artwork hung up on the walls.   
“Alright, so we’re supposed to go to the Shakesperian exhibit, right?” Lucifer turned to me after passing through the check-in. I nodded and the group followed the devil over.  
“Oh this is beautiful. I loved the sweet song of Ophelia.” Satan smiled at the painting of the woman in the river. It was a beautiful painting. I had never read Hamlet, but I knew the basic concept of the play.  
“Ooh, and the emotion this one evokes. Mmn, the Tempest, what a fine piece of literature.” I didn’t quite understand the concept of this picture. I assumed it was depicting a scene from another work of Shakespeare’s, but I had no idea to be honest.   
“Ugh, this is so boring. We should go to the Starbucks across the street.” David said, pacing. Beelzebub looked over at David and scowled.  
“Quit your whining, this is a field trip and you brats are going to learn. I said no monkeying around and I meant it. I don’t feel like getting kicked out of an art museum today.” Luci continued to walk through the exhibit.  
The next picture we looked at was of Titania and Bottom, from A Midsummer Night’s Dream.   
“This one’s a real beauty. Very Renaissance-y.” The devil nodded thoughtfully. We continued to look at many beautiful paintings from the Shakespearian era, and Satan stoppped us at one depicting a woman in a beautiful green dress.  
“Oh this is one depicting the lady herself. Convincing her husband to commit such a devious deed.” Satan smiled. Apparently Macbeth was one of his favorite plays.  
“Oh that’s from Macbeth, right?” David pointed to the painting. Satan paused, turned around to face David, looking at him with a look of shock.  
“What did you just call the play?” He asked, bewildered.  
“Um… Macbeth? That’s the name of the play, right?” David mumbled, confused. Satan shook his head again dramatically.  
“Are you an idiot? Did you really just say it’s name?” Luci asked the boy. “You know that name is cursed right?” David gave the devil a confused look.   
“Cursed?” David looked up at the demon, bewildered.   
“Yes! Cursed! You children shouldn’t be dabbling in things like that! Curses and the occult aren’t meant for feeble-minded teenagers.” Satan huffed and glared at me. “But I know someone who already has been dabbling in the occult.”


	8. Satan Finds Me a Prom Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan introduces Regan to his son, the Antichrist.

“Are you kidding me?” I looked over at the guy taking a huff of a vape in the corner of the gym. He looked like an early 2000s metal band's singer. “That guy is a complete goth I’m not going to prom with him.”   
“Yes, you’re going with him. Don’t make me drag you over to him.” Satan growled, irritated. I groaned and rolled my eyes. Satan grabbed a fistful of my sweatshirt hood and dragged me over.  
“Regan, meet my son, the Antichrist. Son, meet Regan.” The Antichrist? Like the the literal opposite of Jesus? That couldn’t be him. Whatever. I still didn’t want to go to prom with this guy.  
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Regan. Call me Chris, or Christian.” The guy put his vape in his jacket pocket and bowed as if he was on an award show. I was immediately offput by this weirdo.   
“C’mon, Regan, give him a chance.” Satan had saw my looks of confusion, awkwardness and slight repulsion. “He’s a really decent guy, I promise you, hon.”   
I roll my eyes, still not wanting to agree to this bull. “Okay whatever. I’m going to kill you Mr. Morningstar, I swear.”  
Satan raised an eyebrow at me. “Mr. Morningstar? Where did you get that one from? And what happened to calling me Luci?”  
I shrugged, with no craps to give. “Eh, I just go with whatever is on the tip of my tongue, Mr. Demon dude.”  
Satan glared at me through his shades for that last name. “Demon dude? I’m the Lord of the Nine Hells, and you call me Mr. Demon dude? Are you bloody kidding? You really are insane aren’t you, kid?”  
I chuckled a little, knowing that he had a point. I did just call a demon who could devour my soul at any moment, point in time, etc, “dude”. Not my brightest moment, I’ll acknowledge that much.  
“Yep, but I’m still not sure about your kid though, not gonna lie to you, Luci.” I said, still feeling a little uncomfortable.  
“What must he do to prove himself to you, Regan? Really, he’s a decent dude, you just gotta give him a shot. My God, you’re stubborn.” Luci rolled his eyes.  
“I’m not being stubborn..” I grumbled, crossing my arms.   
Satan just shook his head. “Anyways, Christian, you’re going to take Regan to prom and teach her how to be a truly decent mortal.” He looked over at his son, who nodded.  
This was going to be interesting.


	9. Satan Convinces Me to Wear a Black Steampunk Ballgown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan takes Regan and Christian shopping.

“This is too dark for me.” I mumbled, awkwardly standing in a store full of big, flowy dresses. Satan was currently showing me one that was a straight black, with a leather corset and that whole thing. I’m not much of a dress kind of gal, but I wouldn’t go with a tight-fitting black dress if I had to choose one.  
“What do you mean?! It’s perfect for you! And it matches Christian’s outfit!” The devil whisper-shrieked. Chris stood between Lucifer and I awkwardly, holding a black tuxe.  
“But I’m not a goth!” I whisper-shrieked back. Lucifer gave me the “oh-no-you-didn’t-just-say-that-to-me” look, and I winced.  
“YOU ARE NOW!” He whisper-screamed, and I almost laughed at the expression on Chris’s face as he watched Satan and I bicker. Instead of pointing and cackling, I rolled my eyes at Lucifer. He walked over to another flowy black dress and pulled one in my size off the rack.  
“Oooh! Look at this one, hon. This so suits you!” He cooed. I couldn’t help but think he sounded like a gay man, which I thought was hilarious. Not that I was against the gays, I mean, most of my friends are in that community, but I just thought that was funny.  
“That one’s nice.” I mused, looking over at the dress. It still looked very Victorian, but it really was a beautiful dress. It was a lot more flowy than the last one, which I thought was nice.   
“So you’re sold?” Satan asked me, rather giddily.  
“Um… yeah, sure.” I mumbled with a shrug. Lucifer skipped off with my dress to go pay for it. “Next we’re going to Payless!” He called over his shoulder with a toothy grin.  
I nodded and turned to Christian. “Is he always like that?” I asked, a little disturbed.  
Baphomet nodded. “I’m sorry.”


	10. I Pretend to Be Cinderella in Payless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan takes Regan and Chris to Payless.

This was the interesting part of our shopping trip. Satan danced about like he was in a musical as Chris and I stood there, extremely worried for his mental stability.   
“C’mon, Regan! You gotta get the cutest platforms here. I’m certain there’s a decent heeled boot if you’re not a platform girl.” He grinned and I winced.   
“Platforms are fine, Luci.” I said inching towards the shoes that he was looking at. Lucifer didn’t even give me a glare for calling him Luci, which threw me off guard. Christian already had gotten a pair of combat boots, typical for a darker aesthetic I guess. Now it was my turn to get some footwear.  
“Oh look at these ones! These look gorgeous! I think I’m going to buy a pair for myself.” Satan smiled at a pair of heeled boots that had an inch worth of platforms on them.  
“I think I’ll stick with a half inch platforms, thanks. I don’t wanna trip.” I chuckled, scratching the back of my head awkwardly. Satan shrugged, grabbed a pair of the boots in size 10 and continued on. He stopped at a pair of combat boots that matched Christians’s.   
“Ah, I like these ones.” I mused, picking up a pair of boots with buckle straps and a small platformed heel. Satan rushed over like his afterlife depended on it.   
“Oh sweet!” He exclaimed, searching for a pair of boots in a size 8.5. He furrowed his brow after five minutes of searching. “I can’t find a pair!” He growled, frustrated. “Regan, hon, go up to the counter and ask if they have any pairs in an 8.5 back in storage or something.” He mumbled without looking up at me, shooing me off with his hand. I walked over to the cashier, who was a woman in her early forties, with a big curly hairdo and a bright red lip.   
“Hey hon, how can I help you?” The woman behind the counter propped her head up on one hand. She smiled at me with the look of hospitableness or whatever from behind the counter.  
“Hi do you have any of these shoes in 8.5s?” I asked, showing her the box of boots I picked up.  
“I think we might, let me check.” The woman rushed back to storage. A few minutes later, she came out with a box. “I think these’ll fit ya, hon.” I thanked her and rushed back to the others. Satan looked up at me upon my arrival.   
“Did you find them?” I showed him the box. “Well try them on already we don’t have all day you idiot!” He grumbled. I made a motion that read “chill-Jesus” and tried on the boots. Luckily for me, they fit perfectly. As soon as I got the boots back in their container, Luci snatched the box and rushed up to the woman at the cashier to pay for our new shoes.


	11. Satan takes Me to Look at his Wardrobe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regan gives Satan some fashion tips.

“So I’m going to be one of the chaperones at your prom, as your ‘Uncle Lucius’, so I need to figure out how I’m going to dress.” Satan dug through his fanny pack and pulled out a piece of chalk and a few other items, drew a pentagram, and did a little incantation, which opened up a portal in the middle of a Payless parking lot.  
“Jump in.” He said as he hopped through the portal. Chris followed him, and so did I. I wasn’t too sure about hopping through any portals drawn by the devil himself, but he hadn’t killed me yet, so I didn’t think he’d try now. On the other side of said portal, was his bedroom. It was unusually warm, with lots of warm tones of reds, oranges, and some yellows. Luci walked over to the walk-in closet opposite his bed, where we all landed.   
“I need advice in terms of wardrobe. Should I go with something more… pretty? Like… more elegant-and-steampunk and less goth or more goth and less elegant?” He asked us, opening his wardrobe. All it had was red suits and ripped black jeans. He had multitudes of the same shades he wore and heeled boots like the ones he picked up in Payless.   
I laughed. “Oh you need a makeover. Whiz us to Hot Topic or something.” I huffed a little in a commanding tone, which gave me a death glare from Luci. Beelz sighed, drawing another portal in the middle of his room. We all jumped through the portal, landing in a bouncy house outside of Hot Topic. Of course, we scared the daylights out of all the children in the bouncy house, but I didn’t really care. I had a mission; to brighten up Satan’s wardrobe. I strutted off, Satan and Christian behind me, into Hot Topic.   
“Pick out a graphic tee. The key is to be casual, but not too casual. You have to balance elegant and casual.” I said with a nod. Satan looked over at me, confused.  
“But isn’t your prom a formal event?” He asked, holding an Aerosmith tee.  
“Yes, but it’s with a bunch of teenage mortals. Do you really think we’d care about being formal and that stuff?” Satan shrugged.   
“But what about the staff holding your prom?” He asked, placing his weight on one boot.  
“I don’t care what they think, they’re just adults. They don’t get us.” I shrugged back, kind of just acting like the basic emo teen.   
Satan threw his head back and let out a hearty, Logan-like laugh. I chuckled a little myself.


	12. A Bunch of Emo Devout Christians try to Make Me their Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A group from the Church of Satan follows the gang to the parking lot, mistaking Regan for Lilith.

We headed out of the Hot Topic with a decent looking outfit. Satan was really excited to chaperone at prom. I was still worried for his mental stability.   
“So why did you decide to chaperone for my prom, Satan?” I ask, not realizing there was a bunch of emo goons behind us.  
“Satan? Our unholy Lord and Savior? So if you, your Unholiness, are Satan, then this must be our Fair Lady, Lilith!” Christian, Satan, and I turned around to look at the group, who were all bowing.   
“What the hell are these kids doing?” Satan asked me, gesturing to the emo guys. I shrugged. Maybe they were part of some cult or something. Christian shifted uncomfortably behind Satan and I.  
“Regan, let’s just go.” Chris motioned for his dad and I to follow. I nodded and headed off to the parking lot with the Antichrist and Satan. When we finally found a good parking spot to open up a portal, we turned around to find the group following us.   
“Lady Lilith, Lord Lucifer… we would be honored to go with you.” The leader of the group said to us, brushing his hair out of his face. I looked at the guy in confusion. Satan looked down at me, also confused. Christian walked over to the leader.  
“We’re not taking you with us. We don’t know who the Hell you are, that girl isn’t your ‘Lady Lilith’, and my father isn’t Satan. She said, ‘Simon’, not Satan.” The Antichrist made a shooing motion at the group, who looked back at him, confused.   
“B-but… you’re one of us, correct?” The leader stammered. Christian shrugged. “Depends what ‘us’ is.” The leader scratched the back of his head.  
“You’re part of the Church of Satan, are you not?” He asked. Chris put a hand to his heart and shook his head dramatically. “What?” He scoffed, irritated. “The Church of Satan? You seriously think I’m one of those goons? Of course not!” The demon laughed. The group looked at him, clearly pissed.   
“Well then we’re leaving.” The leader said before escorting the rest of his little cult away from the three of us. I sighed, relieved. “Thank you, Christian.” I mumbled with a small smile. Christian smiled back.   
“My pleasure, Miss Regan.”


End file.
